11th September 2014 – Falmouth Poly – Jarred Christmas – Dogdish

Too many polies at the Poly!

To be truthful, neither of us were in the best place mentally for Jarred’s gig, so it’s almost unfair to blog it but I’ll give it my best shot. Here is the run-up to it!

This show was meant to be on a weekend, giving us loads of time to get down to Falmouth but the date had been changed to a Thursday so it was always going to be a rush to get down there after work, plus find time to eat before the show. Dave had booked us into a vegan restaurant (for me) at 6.45pm.

We’d worked out that if I got home on time (my job hours have changed and are now 8-4 instead of 9-5), sorted out our chooks foodwise, got myself changed etc, I’d be ready to go when Dave got home around ten past five. So I did my bit and was ready and waiting to go well on time. Ten past five came and went and no Dave. Eventually I had a phone call to say that the bus was very late and he was also going to be very late. Around 5.30 Dave ran in the door, having had a pretty rubbish and stressful day at work, got changed into a clean shirt at mega speed, and very soon we were flying down the A38/A30/A39 through Truro to Falmouth, me doing my best to beat the SATNAV ETA, Dave trying to get online on his phone to find a number for the restaurant to let them know we were running late.

A full seven minutes earlier than the SATNAV ETA (yes I know!), we pulled up into the Maritime Museum carpark and dashed down towards the town centre. En route, running along the pavement, one of the local birds (the flying sort) managed to aim directly towards Dave and pooh a huge BLACK pooh all the way down his clean shirt sleeve! We hit the restaurant and while I tried to clean him up with some wet wipes, he perused the blackboard to see what was on offer that he could eat. Dave is not a vegetarian and definitely not a vegan and so this was never going to be an easy task; add to it that we were in a big hurry (Jarred’s show started at 8pm). Things were feeling a bit fraught!

Eventually we were brought our food, ate it, (although Dave’s wasn’t really very substantial), paid and got ourselves out and along the road to the Poly where we were actually a few minutes early, enabling me to nip to the ladies. Two drinks later and we were sat in the front row. Jarred had not sold many tickets, in fact he had only sold 26 tickets out of a possible 200+ so we were a very small audience.

We were sharing the front row with another couple…and nobody else. Jarred started on time and came on for a forty five minute set, then he told us that we were going to have a break, then he’d do a half hour more. We had material about nineties music, mixed with some older stuff we recognised from seeing him at the B-bar. We had audience banter, especially with a young, free spirited, well travelled type behind us who had worked at a McDonald’s in New Zealand (oh yes, didn’t I say? Jarred is a Kiwi). The lack of audience was proving to be quite hard work, not enough social/age groups to really empathise with Jarred’s material for a start, and although several of us were laughing and whooping at certain points, others weren’t really making an effort. Small crowds make for a lack of energy.

To make things worse (for us anyway, I don’t know about anyone behind us), the male half of the couple with which we were sharing the front row was continually rustling sweets out of a small poly bag. He might have got away with this if we’d had a full room with plenty of ambient noise, but this wasn’t the case and it just became really obtrusive and annoying, and certainly distracted us from what was going on up on the stage!

Jarred finished up with several high energy, short dance routines, again from the nineties, which had us all tapping our feet and wishing we knew the moves (or maybe that was just me).

All in all, our Falmouth trip was hard work and we’ve decided that we really can’t make the trip down to there midweek again. Too dependent on timings and extremely stressful when it goes pearshaped!


(What Carole didn’t say was that I forgot the belt for my trousers during my quick costume change when I got home, so they were falling down all evening and finally made their escape on the way back to the car after the gig. I also came very close to an accident driving home while leaving Falmouth. The Poly has not been a lucky venue for us. I lost my wedding ring – on our anniversary – when at a Josie Long gig here two years ago – never recovered. It has also been the case that more often than not, we get really small crowds there. It seems the people of Falmouth don’t appreciate live comedy, unless it is a big TV or radio name. It is a real shame, especially when some of us make a three hour round trip to see quality acts there, when not even on our doorstep. Dave)


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